Concise Guide to Self Improvement

If you are reading the op's post and wondering how you can get the same results and why it is such a struggle, you have to realize that these changes are the result of literally re-wiring your brain. Your neurons/connections are wired throughout life based on your environment, experience and habits. Over time you develop triggers and coping mechanisms that may or may not be helpful. You have a powerful subconscious mind that steers and directs you into patterns of thinking and judgment. With a lot of effort and work you can change the wiring as op has done. The easiest way to kick start changing is to focus on healthy habits. It may seem dumb to you in the moment but even just committing to something like regular meditation can kick start massive changes. Things that focus on the inner you like meditation and journaling can help reveal false self-doubts and other issues and lead you to a path of recovery. You have to identify on what is holding you back and then "program" your brain to not think this way through repetition. 

Meditation/yoga/journaling/therapy/CBT/becoming a monk all target this and over time create positive lasting change. Though the key is: over time. It takes time and is not instant so don't give up too soon. The severity differ from person to person so reading the results of one person does not mean you will see the same thing, it is very individualistic.

The other side to this is how your genes/endocannbinoid system/chemicals/enzymes/receptors are functioning. If you have a genetic mutation of certain kinds it will be near impossible to treat the resulting chemical imbalance by force of mind alone. This is why medication should not be ruled out. If you are deficient/surplus in certain chemicals and get this treated medically you will have a much higher quality of life.

The problem with mental health is that practitioners just pound the heck out of whatever their background is. Therapists are all about therapy, self changers think anyone can do it, it worked for them, doctors like the medications and yoga retreatists think yoga is the cure to all.

So this means that you need to figure it out for yourself unfortunately. The only way to go about it is to try lots of stuff and track what is happening. Try stuff and keep a journal, even if it is just setting time aside each day to just sit and think about you and if you are feeling better or worse and what side effects might be there as well.

Start with this reflection and exercise, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, journaling and work your way up to therapists/psychiatrists/doctors/medication. If you find a solution without medication great, but if not you will have developed a lot of insight into your self to better understand what is going on with you if you get medicated. Of course if you have suicidal or other strong thoughts go straight to a medical professional for evaluation/treatment.

Figuring this out is not something simple and takes effort and time. The key is consistency to effecting change each day. This is why tracking results/feelings and journaling is important. Don't beat yourself up if you miss a day or a week or even a month, just be able to look back on the year and see on your calendar that you gave effort all year long. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Consistent effort and learning is the key to long lasting change, the path may not end up where you expect but if you keep searching and trying you will find it.

Some people find their drug to be exercise, others meditation, others writing and others yet find an actual drug. You need to find what works for you and has the least amount of side effects possible.

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Making Positive Changes in Yourself

Sometimes people confuse procrastination and laziness with things like depression or fear. Sometimes people fear things like success or responsibility and that fear manifests in the form of putting things off. Also, video games, television, and the internet can all be little getaways from reality.

Here are some thing that can help:

Therapy Nearly 18 months ago I found a phenomenal therapist that was all about CBT. A lot of people struggle with the thought of going to therapy because of the social stigma that it can carry but don't let that get in the way of you getting help! Besides, most people that would judge you for going to therapy probably need it more than you do.

Meditation I never got into anything more advanced than just taking 10 minutes to close my eyes and focus on my breathing, yet there's a whole world of cool stuff about meditation to be learned. The main thing about meditation that works for me is it brings me back into the moment. Instead of being depressed about my past or being anxious about my future, I can actually come back to reality.

Reaching Out Just reading that might make you uncomfortable, if it does, that's OK, because that's exactly how I felt when my counselors in rehab told me that I needed to connect with people in order to stay clean. I'm going to elaborate on this one a little bit because it's extremely important.

First off, whenever I'm depressed and isolated, picking up the phone and calling or even texting someone is the last thing I want to do. I feel like I'd just be a burden to them or that I'd bug them or that I'd sound stupid on the phone, that I wouldn't know what to say, that I would just be awkward and they'd think I'm weird etc.

And I end up talking myself out of reaching anyone.

Yet every single time I force myself to do it, I've never once regretted it, I always feel better after, especially when I call someone and tell them about how I'm feeling. I don't know the psychology behind why this is so effective but it works.

When I force myself to go against the grain and call or text someone, anyone it makes me not feel so lonely anymore. Sometimes just calling someone and hearing their voicemail is enough to get me out of that lonely mind state.

Journaling I can't speak highly enough of keeping a journal. If you don't know what to write about, start with, "I feel.." and go from there. There's nothing quite like the feeling of writing and then uncovering some thought or feeling that was buried so deep in your subconscious that you can't even believe it's yours. I've had some amazing realizations and victories through journaling.

Commitment This is what it's really all about. This is what separates the people that will succeed from those that will stay in their old ways. It's really simple but it's certainly not easy. Basically, you just have to commit that you're going to do the right thing regardless of how you're feeling. Everything on this list is great, but if you can't commit to changing then... well, you wont change.

That may seem impossible, but the truth is that it's not. Stop and ask yourself, what's keeping you from changing? What's stopping you from going out to look for jobs, or signing up for that class at the college? Why are you afraid to give up the things holding you back?

If you're like me the answer is probably fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of giving up your crutch, fear that you might actually change if you follow through. Those are all things that hold us back and the fear of change is huge.

Even when we say we're miserable, depressed and lonely, the truth is that quite often that's exactly where we want to be, and we might not even consciously know it.

For me it was shame, and by shame I mean the thinking and feeling of, "I am a mistake" or "I'm a burden to those around me" or "Only I could be this stupid to do this". As horrible as shame felt, it was also the thing I knew best. I was comfortable in it and I knew what to expect. Feeling good, not being depressed and being anxiety free are all foreign to me and I don't know what to expect with them, which is why it's scary, but the truth is that when I was living in my shame, I was hindered from really growing and being the person that I knew I could be.

I still feel shame today, the difference is that I don't act on it anymore. When I'm in a group of people my immediate thought and first feeling is to close up because "I'm less than these people". Before I would let that feeling run it's course and I would be shy and awkward in the group and be counting the seconds until I could get out of there. Now, I acknowledge the feeling and remind myself of what is true. I'm absolutely worthy of being a part of this group. Heck, these guys are lucky to have me here. Eventually, the feeling starts to fade and before I know it I'm having a great time.

I know that's specific and I know it might sound impossible and maybe unrealistic but the fact is that the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

The last thing I'll mention is dealing with fear. Fear is a joke. Fear will make you believe that you absolutely cannot do something. Whether it's to pick up the phone, to not smoke, or to not do the right thing. But fear is an absolute joke. The cool thing about having fear is that with it we always have a choice to either let it win or walk through it. The more you walk through fear, the more you'll realize that it's just smoke and mirrors, what you once thought was an impossible task, will become laughable later on when you look back at how easy it was to conquer.

A theme I'm seeing is people identifying with the fear but not knowing how to overcome it. There's really no magic answer to this rather than to simply walk through the fear. The fear will tell you that this is impossible, that there is no possible way that you could possibly change your life, but like I said the fear is just smoke.

The more you walk through the fear, the easier it will be in the future. You're literally teaching your brain that you can cope with whatever changes you're trying to make in your life. Fear can be so strong that it will actually make a horrible life seem more desirable than giving up the thing that's making your life so horrible.

The fear says, "You can't give this up, you wont be able to handle stress and anxiety without it!" The truth is so much of the stress and anxiety is being compounded by the bad behavior in the first place whether it's drugs, drinking, overeating, etc. The truth is that you can cope with life without those bad behaviors, the truth is that you can't thrive until those bad behaviors are behind you.

You have to constantly remind yourself why you're walking through the fear on the path toward true change. Remind yourself of the truth, that you don't need the bad coping skills that you might have carried with you for your entire life, that you will thrive if you can just walk through the fear of changing.

The more you follow through with the process, the more your brain learns a new, healthy way of coping and the more you can know a freedom that you've never felt before.