First up! we have thread count! Every bedding company and their mom is riding the "highest thread count" train. But does thread count actually affect the durability of sheets? Yes, but not in the way that you think!
The way that companies are able to squeeze more and more threads per square inch into their sheets is by thinning the threads. The thinner the thread, the more of 'em they can pack into that space. Unfortunately, the thinner the thread, the more likely it is going to break. With infinitesimally small broken threads, you're going to be looking at the most uncomfortable problem with old sheets: pilling. (Yuuuck!) Nothing will make you suspect someone ate crackers in your bed faster than pilly sheets.
So DON'T go for some of the more insanely-high thread-count sheets.
There is one thing you do have to decide before determining which strata of thread count you want (thick-thread/average count, or thin-thread/higher count). Do you like your sheets crisp, stiff-feeling, kinda snappy? Are you the type of person who actually sleeps with a top sheet? tucked in under the mattress with a blanket and a coverlet on top? Or, do you like your sheets to be silky, smooth-feeling and drapey? Do you always wind up with your blankets wrapped around your legs and don't even bother with a top sheet anymore because it just gets all twisted up anyway?
If you're the first type, go for percale sheets, 200-300 thread count. Yup. I know that sounds craaazy! 200 threads/square inch? Ah, but there's a method to this madness. Percale sheets have a high thread-thickness (also called denier), and it's quite difficult to shove more than that in the measurable space. Because of this, they are aaaahmazing workhorse sheets. I have hand-me-down percale sheets my grandmother got when she was a teenager! working at Penney's that look brand-spankin' new. These sheets were in heavy rotation among herself, my grandpa and their 10 kids, but I have zero qualms about using them now.
If you're the latter type of person, I'd recommend a sateen weave (NOT satin weave!) of about 400-800 threads per square inch. Any more than that and the company is either a) lying and counting the number of threads in the twistof the yarn, rather than the single yarn thread, or b) is spinning so small they won't last a season, much less BIFL.
Oh, and jersey sheets? Just don't do that to yourself. Whoever thought of turning a tee shirt into a sheet was an idiot.
I'm cutting this off now, so it doesn't get too long, but I'll reply to this comment to add more food for thought.
Edit, misspelled sateen cuz it's midnight.
Ok, next there's a multitude of fibers to choose from: cotton, combed cotton, egyptian cotton, cotton flannel, cotton/poly, poly/cotton, polyester microfiber, rayon microfiber, microfiber, linen, cotton/linen, linen/cotton, silk (real, from worms), wool. These all have their pluses and minuses, but the real question you have to ask yourself is: what's my sleeping temperature?
Cotton is obviously a popular choice, partially because it's so versatile. It can be crisp, if it's a percale; silky, if it's a sateen; fuzzy, if it's a flannel, but it can't be all of these things at the same time. Crisp cotton is best if you run hot. Since the sheet doesn't mold to your body, it introduces an element of air flow appreciated by many. Sateen is sorta-neutral, sorta-warm. Since it molds around you, it tends to mirror your own body. I don't like sateen because for some reason my thighs are always sweaty while my feet are always freezing. Flannel, since it's fuzzy, is able to trap warm air pockets in the sheets to keep you warm. NOT to be used by the furnace-sleepers out there, and if you share a bed with a furnace-sleeper, don't even try to make flannel work. The downside to all cotton is that once it gets wet, it stays wet. And it feels super yucky when wet
Linen is the coolest of all the materials. And it is a royal bitch to find. Not only do most vendors catagorize all their sheets as "linens," but even when you sort by fiber, a few son-uva-bitches call cotton sheets "linen." (bastards.) Anywho, linen has the amazing ability to draw just a crap-ton of moisture away from your body and never feel damp or yucky. The Company Store has been the only place I've ever purchased linen sheets and I would recommend them. They aren't for sale on amazon (they list there, but you can't buy through amazon). Linen in general is heart-attack expensive.
Wool is more of a flexible fiber. Everyone knows it's great at keeping things warm, but it can also be used in the summer. Since wool locks moisture away in the fiber, it can keep mildly sweaty people from feeling like they showered in bed. It does take a long time to air-dry if it does get wet, can smell a bit like sheep, can be scratchy if you've a wool allergy-- oh, hell... there're reasons why no one other than Irishmen or New Zealanders buys wool sheets--get wool blankets, instead!
Silk's number one downside is the cost. Now, when I say silk, I mean from real worm, not-vegan silk. Not that rayon-silk shit, or some silk-look/habuti shit or some polyester-satin shit people call silk but doesn't act, feel, look or any other way even remind people of silk once they actually feel and appreciate silk. Silk sheets are what I have in my amazon wish list for when I'm wildly rich I can drop $500 on them just to use them on my anniversary (or have my kids use as my shroud when I die). Silk is the pinnacle of everything humans want next to their skin other than another human. It is tactile manna. I can't actually go on, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it.
Now, for man-made fibers. I will admit, I am a snob when it comes to natural vs. man-made fibers; so please do read some bias in this next paragraph (but not too much!) Polyester, rayon (yes, yes, I know rayon is derived from wood pulp), and any microfiber sheet are significantly hotter than any natural fiber would be. So, if you are ALWAYS freezing (a nurse, perhaps? or that lady in the office wearing a cardigan when it's 110*F outside?), you may want to sample a poly or poly-blend sheet. The benefit of these, is that the thread is stronger, thinner, longer than any natural fiber, so if you want insanely silky sheets without fear of pilling, here you go.
For care and keeping, white cotton or linen is the best way to go... all those care tags that say to wash cold, tumble dry low? First of all, that's all bullshit. Companies don't want to be held accountable for dye jobs fading, or fabrics pilling; and the colder the water/air, the less agitation, the longer a shitty fabric will last because it never gets clean in the first place!!!! Clean means that that third-rate mordant the Chinese factory used so the factory manager can skim some personal profit off the top gets washed out and that vibrant color only seen in jungle birds that the merchandiser in New York picked out fades.
There are three things that clean fabric other than a liquid medium: heat, agitation, detergent. Even when you dry clean stuff, it's not really DRY clean. They put the clothes in a special washer with a non-water-based solvent. It still gets wet and it still agitates.
So, what degrades (shitty) fabrics? Heat, yah? has your underwear or socks ever had the elastic/spandex break/unravel on you? Everyone's had that moment with a pair of panties whose elastic top is going and you just keep unwinding and unwinding and unwinding that elastic? Heh. No? Just me? Ok, then.... Point is! heat dries out that elastic and it loses it's suppleness. BTW, OT- NEVER EVER EVER EVER heat-dry your bras in the dryer, ladies!! The elastic in those are too small to be as obvious as a panty elastic and the whole thing will give out and just die on you, and you won't notice a thing--other than your favorite bra just became your worst nightmare.
<shakes self to get back on track> Ok! now, agitation can create pilling on crappier fabrics. If the thread isn't long/thick enough, it unweaves, curls up out of the fabric and is a lint magnet (i.e. a pill). It can also knock out teeeny tiny loose fibers from fabrics that didn't get wound tight enough (lint!) and thin them out. On clothing, agitation can also introduce rough decorative trims (zippers, MissMe jean pocket decals, etc) to fabrics and cause runs/tears. So, some things are legitimately gentle/delicate/hand wash only, but not everything for cripes sake!
Detergent, then, is what everyone has decided to place their trust in cleaning laundry. But what's this? Nothing (and I mean nothing) manufactured after 1995 calls for using chlorine bleach? what?! even white cotton calls for "non-chlorine bleach only"? is this right? No. No, it is not right. They mass-produce their labels and attach them to all the colors. They aren't going to stop in the middle of a run and switch the labels when the color tee shirt goes from heather gray to white. The textile industry is notoriously unregulated and one of the reasons it stays unregulated is that they avoid pissing off their consumers with their shitty products by recommending kid-glove treatment with everything they produce.
Here's the deal with laundry. HOT water is supposed to be 130F. Most people's water heaters have a governor that regulates the temperature at 120F. That means, even if you select "hot" on your washer, you clothes aren't washing in hot water unless your washer has an internal heating mechanism. WARM water is 110F, which after traveling through your pipes and despensing in a tub the ambient temperature of the room is what you're actually washing your clothes in when you set it "hot." COLD water is 90F which is bath-temperature water--not cold at all. When you use your cold setting, it just dumps the water from your home's pipes into the tub, meaning that in my area in the winter, my water is 58F. That isn't even an option in laundry care: near-freezing water.
So, since we've established that most people wash their clothes in too cool temperatures, with too much detergent and too low agitation; what does this all mean?
That, unless you're washing something incredibly precious or special, fussing around with a multitude of laundry settings and separating into various loads (warm-darks, warm-lights, cold-darks, cold-lights, warm-handwash, cold-hand wash, hot-whites) is crazy. If your clothing and linens can't hold up under a proper wash, they were not BIFL.
So, the real rules?
If it's a natural fiber and you DON'T care if it shrinks: Hot water. Sheets would go in this category--sheets should never shrink smaller than the size bed they're meant to go on... if they do, they're not a BIFL sheet. I also put duvet covers, pillowcases, towels, kitchen rags, dust rags, mop cloths, tableclothes, napkins, washclothes, socks, my husband's undershirts, practical/kid's underwear (cloth diapers in a seperate wash)... When I wash blankets/pillow protectors (monthly) and coverlets/comforters/pillows (quarterly) and down comforters/pillows (semi-annually), I also wash them on hot. Basically anything that I would need to be SURE came out clean and as close to sanitized as possible without boiling (I actually had my husband install a tankless water heater just so I can dial up the heat of my water for my laundry). I also try to make sure that all these things are white so I can bleach them as well. BLEACH is only effective in whitening/lightening when the clothes SOAK in the water. Accidentally splashing your tee shirt with pure bleach while doing the laundry is different, though, since it's not diluted it's going to bleach your tee. Sorry. Wear an apron or a white tee shirt (or do the laundry naked!) next time.
Warm water for everything else, sorted into lights/darks.
Cold water only for delicates, and I hand wash them.
Everything gets line-dried outside as long as the temperature is +35F, and if <35F, dried delicate, low-heat (or air dried, if I hand-washed). I'll actually pull them out still damp at the edges and iron the ironable ones and hang everything else on hangers for an hour on an H-rack until dry enough to get put away without smelling musty when it gets pulled out.
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