How to Find Your Best Life

Know this right up front: it's okay to not have all the answers and it's okay to keep looking for answers.

It's easy to feel inferior in comparison to people based on what they share on social media or even on what they say in person. Keep in mind they're only showing you the highlight reel, not the outtakes and bloopers.
Happiness begins when comparison stops.

This guide might be inspiring: A Brief Guide to World Domination: How to Live a Remarkable Life in a Conventional World (PDF).

You hate your job. Should you quit today?

No. If you have bills, etc., that would be financially irresponsible.

But if you're not happy, you can start making plans. Start saving money, looking for other jobs, thinking places you'd rather live in, etc. Your goal is to build a "freedom fund" that will give you enough to quit your job and move somewhere else to find a better job. Your goal is to build a life more in line with what you want.

The first step: check in with yourself. Do this in a quiet place alone. Traveling by yourself can also do wonders for removing the external voices telling you what to do with your life (parents, family, friends, co-workers, etc.). Just go somewhere by yourself. Like a park or the library.

Ask yourself who you are, what you want, and other big questions like that. These can feel intimidating and difficult, especially if you haven't been alone for a while and have competing voices in your head from the people around you.

Who do you admire? It could be someone you know. It could be a successful person you've read about. Who do you look at that makes you think, "Man, I'd love to do what that person is doing"? Make a list. Keep finding more people who inspire you. If you read interviews of successful people, you'll often find they had an inspiring role model. Sometimes they had a relationship with that "mentor" sometimes not. The important thing was that it gave them a starting point.

Don't make the mistake of being seduced by someone's passion though, and think, "If I do the same job/career/business, I'll be as happy too!" Do you actually like the work itself, without getting interviewed on TV or being on magazine covers? Most people toil in obscurity.

A fun exercise is to imagine a future scenario of your perfect day. Let's say it's five years from now. There's a great quote by Bill Gates that goes like, "We overestimate what we can accomplish in one day, but underestimate how much we can accomplish in one year." So in five years you could go far.

The key thing is to let your imagination go wild, and silence the doubting voice that says, "That will never happen." Think of it like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book.

What's your perfect day?

• You wake up. What kind of place do you live in? Log cabin in the forest? Modern loft in the middle of a bustling city? Villa by the beach? Where is your home? What city?
• You go to work. Where's your office? Maybe it's downtown, or maybe it's down the hall from your bedroom?
• There are photos on your office wall. Who are in the pictures with you? Friends? Family? Celebrities? Leaders in your industry? Attractive girlfriends? (or boyfriends, I'm not judging).
• There are photos of places you've been. Where are they? Cities? Jungles? Art galleries? Bungee jumping? Wine tasting? What experiences have you had you that you wanted to remember? (as your future self, not now).
• You check your e-mail. What kind of e-mails are in your inbox that make you smile? Happy customers who love your product? Fan letters saying how much they love your book/music/other creations?
• You get phone calls. Who's on the other end of the line? A businessperson with a multimillion-dollar deal to offer you? A reporter to interview you about your new project? A hot sexy person asking you out on a date? The answers are for your eyes only, and you get to decide how it's rated :)
• What do you do at work? Writing a book? Writing a business plan? Doing a Skype call with a big shot? Leading a meeting?

The next thing would be to start working backward. What steps did you take to get to that perfect day? For example, I did this exercise with a friend who's a writer. His novel is about a character running in a marathon.

• Perfect day: seeing the title of his novel on The New York Times bestseller list in the newspaper.

Starting to work backward, what things would have led to that moment?

• He was interviewed on national TV about his book. Gave him instant wide publicity and boosted sales.
• He had earlier been mentioned in a national newspaper article about running. A TV producer read the article, thought it was an interesting angle for a story, and called him up to fly to Burbank for an interview.
• My friend had set up Google Alerts to notify of him of any news stories about running. He built a list of reporters who'd written articles on the topic. He also signed up for Help A Reporter Out (HARO), where journalists seek sources for their articles.

Whenever he saw a chance to relate his novel to an upcoming story, he'd get in touch and offer himself as a source or someone who could provide some quotes. Most were not interested, but he kept trying. Eventually, he answered a posting on HARO by a reporter who was looking for people to interview for a story about running. He sent an e-mail as soon as he saw the posting, and then they e-mailed questions and answers back and forth, and used some of his quotes in the article. That started the ball rolling.

Another option is to make a set of lists of the things you want.

Use these categories to set your goals:

Have
Material things: Mansion, sports car, etc. Maybe the things you want are way cheaper. What matters is that you want it, not what you're told to want. Hint: go for tools that will help you with your hobbies, which will lead to . . .

Do
Occupation and hobbies: Write a novel, paint art, fly in a wingsuit (that shit is so badass!)

Be
A good friend, a donor to worthy causes, a supporter for things you believe in, a volunteer to improve other people's lives somehow, etc.

We'd all like to believe we're high-minded, evolved beings and jump straight to the "Be" goals, but you really need all three to be happy. Don't feel guilty about having desires. This is for you, so it's okay to be a bit selfish.

A similar way to think about these are

• pleasure (have)
• passion (do) 
• purpose (be) 

Once you have your list, get on Google and do the most fun research you'll ever do. What resources are out there that can help you get those things?

If you'd like to do a similar exercise, but with a video of someone guiding you along the way, you can watch this:

The 3 Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself

More resources:

'follow your passion' is wrong: Cal Newport speaks at World Domination Summit 2012 (Video)

Also good: Dan Pink: The puzzle of motivation. What things make people happy while working? Pink breaks it down.

If you want to dive deep: The Overjustification Effect. Does getting paid to do what you love make you happy? Not necessarily, as this article explains.

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor is a great book. He makes a convincing case that it's not "you become successful, then get happy." Instead, it's the reverse: you get happy, then become successful. He backs it with a lot of research and studies.

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