How to be Witty and Clever

OK, here's how you start. First of all, understand that being "witty" isn't a stand-in or a replacement for basic social skills. Something I always say is, "You have to be able to fit in, before you can learn to stand out." You want to stand out, to become (at least somewhat) extraordinary. Well, the thing to remember about "extraordinary" is just like they say, it's ordinary with a little extra.

People who are socially savvy don't stand out because they have some bag of secret tricks. Their "secret" is that they mastered the fundamentals. That's really the key to greatness in any endeavor, and it's what puts you ahead of others. Most people do not see the fundamental aspects of an activity or skill as being profound. They just take the basics for granted, and as a result, they only get good at them by circumstance. And because they don't appreciate this idea of mastering the fundamentals, they come to believe that "some people are just born with natural skill". It's not the case though. A baby doesn't know jack shit. People who are good at something aren't "naturals"; they just started practicing at an early enough age that, by the time people began to notice their skill, it seemed like those people were naturally gifted. Understand?

Wit and charm and charisma are not mysterious personality traits that some people just have and others don't. Those traits don't actually exist; they simply come from the culmination of a well developed social skillset. Master the fundamentals of social skills, and it will become much easier to get a feel for these extra x-factor type traits.

That said, here's a way you can start to develop a sense of wit:

First, as you know, a huge part of being witty is having a sense of timing. There's a French expression known as "staircase wit", which is when you think of the perfect thing to say when it's way too late. To avoid that, remember 2 things:

1. "Witty" is not the same as "clever". Often, we come up with these awesome things to say in our heads, that flop if we say them out loud. The reason is, we were trying too hard to be clever. Wit arises by understanding the nuance and subtext of a social situation, and injecting just the right statement at the right time. A witty statement isn't try-hard, it's just the right amount of clever but no more. It comes from practice.
   
   
2. Brevity is the soul of wit. The words in a witty statement aren't what causes that feeling of "damn, that's such a clever/funny/true statement." That feeling occurs a second or two after you read or hear it. In other words, "witty" is the reaction you have in your brain, not a quality of the statement itself. If a statement drones on and on, people won't be able to have that "how droll" reaction to what you said, because their brains keep being fed new information (words) to process. You need to make your witticisms short-ish and punchy, and there needs to be a sudden drop at the end, so your audience can have a moment to process what you just said.That's when they can/will have that reaction of thinking you've said something witty.
   
   

All this takes practice, but it's not as hard as it sounds. What you need to do is to start by using yourself as an audience. At various points in the day, make a mental observation of a person or an occurence or general facts of your environment, etc. Then see if you can think of something humorous or witty about that person or thing you observed. Remember that it's only in your head, so don't feel bad if what you think of is mean spirited. The point is to NOT filter yourself at all, this is simply a mental exercise to sharpen your skill.

Do that as regularly as you can. Next, make a list of short but multipurposed things to say in response to daily conversation and events. These are NOT meant to be witty or clever. In fact I recommend you use worn out cliches and catch phrases such as "It is what it is", "Shit happens", "Sucks to be them", "Cool beans"... you get the idea. Stuff that's short and simple enough to remember. The point with this is, to learn to use the right catchphrase in the proper circumstances, with the right timing. Like if someone tells you they just got their tax refund in the mail, you wouldn't say "shit happens" or "it is what it is"; neither of those fit the situation. You'd say "cool beans". If someone showed up with a cast, then you'd nod sympathetically and say "shit happens". And obviously, you won't necessarily want to use my example phrases, and you don't want to do this for years and make people think you're a weirdo.

The purpose is to get a sense for that timing and contextual calibration that you need to be witty. Eventually, with these excercises, you'll begin to get a more intuitive sense of when and how to be witty, and how to make it seem fluid and perhaps even effortless. Give it a try.

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