Baby Adults

It's all anybody does. While it happens to different people at different paces, life will eventually send the average person enough shit that it shaves away the last of the adolescent and you finally get it that you're an adult. You think it's going to happen at 20 or 21 or 22 and later you look back and see how hilarious that is.

So you're the adult of the child world. You've reached the end. All other children look up at you and see someone who has done it. But what nobody tells you is that your very next step makes you a baby again. You are now a baby adult and you know nothing. You're not a child anymore but you are the baby of the adult world and have to start all over and learn how to be an independent human.

Nobody to wipe your nose now. Nothing shielding you from reality. Nothing handed to you. Nothing handled for you or set up for you. Nothing because "you deserve it". Nothing to prevent things from sucking or hurting. Not unless you do it yourself, and maybe not even then.

But it takes you years to even realize you were subconsciously expecting things to just work out and to be worked out for you. It never felt that way, but you can look back and see it once you come out of it. Something you probably were conscious of though was the uncertainty about whether what you were doing was okay, whether you measured up, whether people approved, what they thought. Once you drop the last of those two types of crap and recognize it's you vs. the wilderness and that you are capable of handling yourself in it without anyone's help, and that you don't need anyone's permission or approval, then you're an adult. A real one this time.

Lots of people talk about this happening late 30s, 40, etc. Sometimes people feel it earlier due to starting a family, going through hardship, etc. Whatever pushes the last of the bullshit away and leaves you sure of yourself, even if you don't necessarily know where you're going - that's it. It isn't a checklist that you tote up to convince yourself. It's a line you cross internally and can feel irrespective of any checklist.

So keep putting one foot in front of the other. It'll happen. And try to enjoy life and enjoy being young. Growing up feels good, but it's easy to hit late 30s and wonder where the last ten years went and feel bad about that. Be here now and fill up your years.