Sometimes people confuse procrastination and laziness with things like depression or fear. Sometimes people fear things like success or responsibility and that fear manifests in the form of putting things off. Also, video games, television, and the internet can all be little getaways from reality.
Here are some thing that can help:
Therapy Nearly 18 months ago I found a phenomenal therapist that was all about CBT. A lot of people struggle with the thought of going to therapy because of the social stigma that it can carry but don't let that get in the way of you getting help! Besides, most people that would judge you for going to therapy probably need it more than you do.
Meditation I never got into anything more advanced than just taking 10 minutes to close my eyes and focus on my breathing, yet there's a whole world of cool stuff about meditation to be learned. The main thing about meditation that works for me is it brings me back into the moment. Instead of being depressed about my past or being anxious about my future, I can actually come back to reality.
Reaching Out Just reading that might make you uncomfortable, if it does, that's OK, because that's exactly how I felt when my counselors in rehab told me that I needed to connect with people in order to stay clean. I'm going to elaborate on this one a little bit because it's extremely important.
First off, whenever I'm depressed and isolated, picking up the phone and calling or even texting someone is the last thing I want to do. I feel like I'd just be a burden to them or that I'd bug them or that I'd sound stupid on the phone, that I wouldn't know what to say, that I would just be awkward and they'd think I'm weird etc.
And I end up talking myself out of reaching anyone.
Yet every single time I force myself to do it, I've never once regretted it, I always feel better after, especially when I call someone and tell them about how I'm feeling. I don't know the psychology behind why this is so effective but it works.
When I force myself to go against the grain and call or text someone, anyone it makes me not feel so lonely anymore. Sometimes just calling someone and hearing their voicemail is enough to get me out of that lonely mind state.
Journaling I can't speak highly enough of keeping a journal. If you don't know what to write about, start with, "I feel.." and go from there. There's nothing quite like the feeling of writing and then uncovering some thought or feeling that was buried so deep in your subconscious that you can't even believe it's yours. I've had some amazing realizations and victories through journaling.
Commitment This is what it's really all about. This is what separates the people that will succeed from those that will stay in their old ways. It's really simple but it's certainly not easy. Basically, you just have to commit that you're going to do the right thing regardless of how you're feeling. Everything on this list is great, but if you can't commit to changing then... well, you wont change.
That may seem impossible, but the truth is that it's not. Stop and ask yourself, what's keeping you from changing? What's stopping you from going out to look for jobs, or signing up for that class at the college? Why are you afraid to give up the things holding you back?
If you're like me the answer is probably fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of giving up your crutch, fear that you might actually change if you follow through. Those are all things that hold us back and the fear of change is huge.
Even when we say we're miserable, depressed and lonely, the truth is that quite often that's exactly where we want to be, and we might not even consciously know it.
For me it was shame, and by shame I mean the thinking and feeling of, "I am a mistake" or "I'm a burden to those around me" or "Only I could be this stupid to do this". As horrible as shame felt, it was also the thing I knew best. I was comfortable in it and I knew what to expect. Feeling good, not being depressed and being anxiety free are all foreign to me and I don't know what to expect with them, which is why it's scary, but the truth is that when I was living in my shame, I was hindered from really growing and being the person that I knew I could be.
I still feel shame today, the difference is that I don't act on it anymore. When I'm in a group of people my immediate thought and first feeling is to close up because "I'm less than these people". Before I would let that feeling run it's course and I would be shy and awkward in the group and be counting the seconds until I could get out of there. Now, I acknowledge the feeling and remind myself of what is true. I'm absolutely worthy of being a part of this group. Heck, these guys are lucky to have me here. Eventually, the feeling starts to fade and before I know it I'm having a great time.
I know that's specific and I know it might sound impossible and maybe unrealistic but the fact is that the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
The last thing I'll mention is dealing with fear. Fear is a joke. Fear will make you believe that you absolutely cannot do something. Whether it's to pick up the phone, to not smoke, or to not do the right thing. But fear is an absolute joke. The cool thing about having fear is that with it we always have a choice to either let it win or walk through it. The more you walk through fear, the more you'll realize that it's just smoke and mirrors, what you once thought was an impossible task, will become laughable later on when you look back at how easy it was to conquer.
A theme I'm seeing is people identifying with the fear but not knowing how to overcome it. There's really no magic answer to this rather than to simply walk through the fear. The fear will tell you that this is impossible, that there is no possible way that you could possibly change your life, but like I said the fear is just smoke.
The more you walk through the fear, the easier it will be in the future. You're literally teaching your brain that you can cope with whatever changes you're trying to make in your life. Fear can be so strong that it will actually make a horrible life seem more desirable than giving up the thing that's making your life so horrible.
The fear says, "You can't give this up, you wont be able to handle stress and anxiety without it!" The truth is so much of the stress and anxiety is being compounded by the bad behavior in the first place whether it's drugs, drinking, overeating, etc. The truth is that you can cope with life without those bad behaviors, the truth is that you can't thrive until those bad behaviors are behind you.
You have to constantly remind yourself why you're walking through the fear on the path toward true change. Remind yourself of the truth, that you don't need the bad coping skills that you might have carried with you for your entire life, that you will thrive if you can just walk through the fear of changing.
The more you follow through with the process, the more your brain learns a new, healthy way of coping and the more you can know a freedom that you've never felt before.
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