How to be Funny without being Shocking

In order to learn how to be funny without being shocking, we have to first identify why something is funny, and why something is shocking. That way, the shocking situations can more easily be avoided, and you can focus on the funny situations that don't fall into the "shocking" category.

Luckily, there are some pretty simple rules that do a pretty good job of explaining why joke/situation A is hilarious, but joke/situation B falls flat. Knowing these rules of comedic theory can help you find and recognize things that are funny, but not shocking.

There are three primary rules or theories that explain why we perceive something to be funny:

• The Superiority Theory We laugh at things that allow us to feel superior to others. When someone slips and falls on a banana peel, we laugh because we're not the ones who did something clumsy; our laughter is an expression of our superiority over that stupid oaf who was dumb enough to not watch his footing, and as a result slipped on something as seemingly-harmless as a banana peel. This theory also explains a lot of caricatures and satires, because both those types of humor tend to emphasize flaws in other people, allowing us to laugh at the flaws that we believe that we don't possess. The Superiority Theory is also really helpful in understanding the classic Greek definition of comedy and tragedy: comedy is when someone from a low place rises to a higher place, and tragedy is the exact opposite. Now, this part is really important: The comedy is funny because, since the person began in a lower place, we can consider ourselves to be above--superior to--him, and anything bad that befalls him is therefore funny. Tragedy, however, concerns bad things happening to people who are on our level or above us, and if it can happen to them, it can happen to us. So we don't laugh at tragedy because instead of making us feel superior, it reminds us that we, too, are vulnerable.
• The Relief Theory This theory holds that what we find funny are things that cause an unexpected release of stress or tension in us. The Relief Theory is best explained by the use of "comic relief" in otherwise dramatic works. When the comedic relief character says or does something that does not match the dramatic intensity of the environment he's in, it causes us to laugh because the comment releases the nerves we're feeling due to the dramatic setting. This also explains why after an especially tense surprise in a horror film where an audience full of people screams, the scream is often immediately followed by laughter.
• The Incongruity Theory This theory is probably the most comprehensive, and in a way encompasses the other two theories, as well. The Incongruity Theory says that humor is when what actually happens is different than what we expect to happen. We can use this theory to explain our previous examples. According to the Incongruity Theory, someone slipping on a banana peel is funny because we expect him to keep walking, but he actually falls; and also because we expect him to trip on something ordinary like a step or a crack in the pavement, but he actually trips on something unexpected: a banana peel. A comedic relief character in a drama is explained by the Incongruity Theory as someone who actually says something different (funny) than what we expected him to say (something serious). To me, the Incongruity Theory does the best job at explaining humor, and covers the most examples of what we find funny.

Now that we know a bit about why things are funny, we can identify which instances are going to result in something shocking. My suspicion is that most "shocking" humor comes from examples that fall under the Superiority Theory.

For example, think about Daniel Tosh's ill-fated "wouldn't it be funny if that woman got raped right now" joke that caused such a controversy a while back. To some people, this was funny because it made them feel superior to the woman who criticized Tosh, and, presumably, it made some people feel superior to rape victims. The controversy, however, comes in because there are too many people who don't consider themselves superior to these people (the woman who made the initial comment/rape victims), because they identify with them. So here we've run into the classic Greek comedy/tragedy problem that I pointed out earlier. To someone who feels superior to the woman in the audience, this was comedy. To someone who identifies with her, this was tragedy--and thus shocking.

So we can think of shocking humor as superiority jokes that too many people in your audience relate to, instead of feel superior to. Think about it: this is why a Helen Keller joke might not be funny to a deaf or blind person, and why jokes about ethnicity or race might not be funny to an audience of that demographic (especially if you're not part of that demographic), and why many women don't find jokes about women funny. Anytime you make a superiority joke, you risk someone in your audience identifying with the subject of the joke instead of feeling superior to it. When they identify, they'll feel shocked instead of feeling like laughing.

So, the best way to learn to be funny without being shocking would be to find humorous situations that fit under the Incongruity Theory--where what you expect to happen is different than what actually happens--or the Relief Theory, but don't fit the Superiority Theory, unless you're really, really sure that everyone in your audience will also feel superior to who or whatever it is you're making a joke about.

Obviously, there are other shocking topics that aren't covered by the Superiority Theory, but these are pretty easy to recognize: vulgarity, for example, will always be shocking to some people, and should best be avoided.

Now, in order to identify funny but non-shocking situations and jokes, try watching other comedians. Identify why each joke is funny according to these three theories, and avoid the ones that are obviously vulgar or might address superiority. That will leave you with some examples of non-shocking jokes, and hopefully you can use those to craft some of your own!